being a baal teshuva means fixing your past.
It doesn’t. It means returning to a relationship.
Think about it simply:
If someone wants a relationship with you, but you feel ashamed, angry, or not good enough, you won’t come close. Not because you don’t care. But because you don’t feel wanted.
That’s what teshuva really addresses.
Not just your actions, your sense of being wanted.
A baal teshuva is someone who keeps reminding themselves:
“The Creator wants a relationship with me.”
Not when I’m perfect. Not when I figure everything out. Now. So how do you actually begin to feel that again?
A relationship with the Creator begins when you feel awe. Awe is not abstract.
It’s a mix of: a little sadness, a little fear, and a sense of wonder.
You feel it when you stop and think and speak:
“The Creator has helped me so many times.”
Or:
“He is recreating everything right now, even me.”
That kind of thinking softens you. It increases your wonder. You start to feel how big He is. It brings a little sadness. You feel the distance. And a little fear.
Your choices start to matter again. Now closeness feels possible. And slowly, that changes everything. Shame starts to loosen. Avoidance starts to soften. You stop avoiding.
Because you’re not returning to a judge. You’re returning to a relationship.
Teshuva is not just correction. It’s reconnection. And every time you remember that the Creator wants a relationship with your nervous system, and let yourself feel a little awe, you’re already coming back.
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