Sometimes it’s the war inside yourself.
Here’s the difference
1. Healthy anger protects.
It says: “This isn’t safe, set a compassionate boundary.”
2. Hatred destroys.
It says: “Erase the threat, the other doesn’t deserve compassion.”
When trauma confuses anger with danger, anger gets miswired into hatred. And it shows up differently in each trauma pattern:
Fight (narcissism)
Anger explodes outward. Every slight feels like disrespect – quickly turns into hate. “I’ll attack you before you can make me feel disrespected.” (And even attack part of your own personality) Trauma says: “If I strike first, I’ll stay safe.”
Flight (avoidance)
Anger feels unsafe, so it gets hidden. But suppressed fire ferments into resentment. “I won’t yell, I’ll disappear and quietly hate you from afar.” And even avoid conversations with yourself. Trauma says: “If I run, I won’t be hurt.”
Freeze (shutdown)
Anger gets locked away until it freezes over. Instead of hating others, it collapses inward: “I’m the problem. I’m worthless.” Trauma says: “If I shut down, I’ll survive.”
Fawn (people-pleasing)
Anger is buried to keep peace. But swallowed fire becomes bitterness. “I’ll smile to your face, but inside I blame you.” Trauma says: “If I keep you happy, I won’t be abandoned.”
The truth:
None of this is “who you are.” It’s trauma mis-wiring anger — twisting it into hatred.
When you understand this, you can reclaim anger as it really is: Not destruction, but a spark for boundaries, truth, and healing.
Takeaway:
Every trauma pattern carries its own flavor of baseless hatred. The healing path is the same: see the pain underneath, and let anger return to its purpose, a fire for compassion, repair, and connection.
Jerusalem is described as a city of fire, because it’s where people from every direction come back together.
Jewish secret to transform suffering into blessing: https://www.facebook.com/share/p/17H9SPg1Pu/?mibextid=wwXIfr
Check the comments for links to more of my posts.
