Perfectionism isn’t one thing.
It depends on how a person learned to feel safe.
Trauma adaptive fight, flight, freeze, and fawn all try to be “perfect” in different ways, and all of them try to avoid a hard process.
1. Fight perfectionism
“I must be right.”
Arguing, controlling, overpowering others. Harm gets explained away as “truth”, “leadership” or “strength.”
2. Flight perfectionism
“I must stay busy and improve.”
Always working, fixing, learning, or moving.
They stay busy so they don’t have to feel guilt or shame or look at how their actions affected others.
3. Freeze perfectionism
“I must not mess up.”
Staying quiet, stuck, or ‘invisible.’
Repair is avoided by silence instead of engaging.
4. Fawn perfectionism
“I must keep everyone happy.”
People-pleasing, saying yes when they mean no. They avoid truth to keep “an image of harmony.”
Different styles. Same problem.
Each one protects an image instead of doing the work of honesty, repair, and humility (compassion + boundaries).
Redemption begins when people stop protecting an image and choose honesty, repair, and humility.
Explore the NextSelf Blog. Start with this post explaining the world of souls. And my Youtube.
The blog lists all the difference patterns to study, understanding patterns is how one can develop 'Daas' [felt knowing].
Update: As awe, trust, and love deepen, they can allow greater openness and intimacy with the Creator. That intimacy can include sadness when you notice how much more of His goodness can be revealed.