What if the "victim" was actually the bully? - Spirituality

First Published April 28, 2025Last Updated October 28, 2026by Binyamin Rutstein

3 min read

What if the "victim" was actually the bully?

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Ever felt confused when someone hurts you—but they act like the victim?

That’s emotional manipulation.

How does emotional manipulation work?

Here’s how it works (even between countries, like Palestinians and Israelis):

→ Step 1:

They cross your boundaries, claiming love or justice.

“I attacked because you left me no choice.”

→ Step 2:

If caught, they quickly apologize—but repeat again.

(or they may skip to step 3)

→ Step 3:

When apologies fail, they use emotions as weapons:

Sadness: “Look how much you hurt me.”

Anger: “You forced me into this.”

Guilt: “How can you ignore my suffering?”

→ Step 4:

Suddenly, THEIR emotions become YOUR problem:

“If I’m angry or sad, it’s your fault.”

→ Step 5:

You’re trapped trying to make them happy (which is impossible).

You lose peace.

Why does Europe side with the “victim”?

Europe unintentionally feeds this cycle by supporting the emotional “victim” without checking facts—because Europe carries guilt from its own history.

But here’s the truth:

Truth isn’t halfway between honesty and manipulation. It leans closer to the side that owns up honestly.

How can you escape this trap?

How to escape this trap?

Recognize manipulation—even unintentional—is still manipulation.

Demand honesty and responsibility clearly.

Stop trying to fix their emotions.

Focus on actions, not words.

Remember:

“Accountability beats apology every single time.”

Explore the NextSelf Blog. Start with this post explaining the world of souls, and what does it mean to be light? And my Youtube. Content is published to this facebook first and a few days later to the blog, list of 100+ 1 line ideas, how to transform selfish desire like gossip, one structure of spiritual beliefs is healthy for the nervous system, learn about my story and book recommendations.

The blog lists all the difference patterns to study, understanding patterns is how one can develop 'Daas' [felt knowing].
Content does not provide medical services or professional counseling, and it is not a substitute for professional medical care.

Questions people ask

What is emotional manipulation?

Emotional manipulation is when someone hurts you but acts like the victim. They cross your boundaries, say sorry but repeat it, then use sadness, anger, and guilt as weapons. Their feelings become your problem, and you lose your peace. Seeing this pattern is the first skill: awareness.

How do I know if someone is using emotions as weapons?

Listen for words that turn their feelings into your fault. Sadness says, “Look how much you hurt me.” Anger says, “You forced me into this.” Guilt says, “How can you ignore my suffering?” Another sign is, “If I’m angry or sad, it’s your fault.”

Why can't I make a manipulative person happy?

When their emotions become your problem, you get trapped trying to make them happy. The article says this is impossible. The more you try to fix their feelings, the more peace you lose. Stopping that effort is a healthy boundary and a step toward taking back your calm.

How do I escape the trap of emotional manipulation?

Start by seeing that manipulation, even unintentional, is still manipulation. Then ask for honesty and responsibility clearly. Stop trying to fix their emotions, and focus on actions, not words. As the article says, “Accountability beats apology every single time.” This takes boundaries and responsibility.

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