Out-of-control disease activity wrecked my nervous system. I often needed a wheelchair, I had to follow a diet of mostly beans, carrots, broccoli, Quinua and tahini to live with less pain.
Here’s something people don’t always realize:
Disease itself can be traumatic. It shocks your body. It overwhelms your mind. It traps your nervous system in survival mode.
In 2022, I discovered trauma theory. I read 15+ books on recovery. That knowledge became a turning point.
But here’s how adaptive trauma patterns made things worse for my health:
FIGHT → Push harder than is safe
I skipped rest, ignored pain, and kept pushing.
FLIGHT → Avoid the scary thing
I over-researched but never booked the appointment.
FREEZE → Hope it passes
I missed meds, skipped PT, and stayed stuck in bed.
FAWN (people-pleasing) → Put others first
I said “I’m fine,” took on more, and delayed my own care.
Over time, my fight, flight, freeze, and fawn no longer ruled me. A year later, I didn’t need a wheelchair anymore. I was able to significantly reduce my medication (no more prednisone)
The biggest lesson?
Healing doesn’t start with control. Healing begins with awareness.
Explore the NextSelf Blog. Start with this post explaining the world of souls. And my Youtube.
The blog lists all the difference patterns to study, understanding patterns is how one can develop 'Daas' [felt knowing].
Update: As awe, trust, and love deepen, they can allow greater openness and intimacy with the Creator. That intimacy can include sadness when you notice how much more of His goodness can be revealed.