It starts with abandoning your own experience.
When you grew up around emotional neglect, you learned to skip over your feelings so you could stay “easy,” “helpful,” or “not a problem.”
Your system decided:
“My emotions don’t matter, keeping peace does.”
Healing doesn’t begin by changing your behavior. It begins by changing that belief.
And the first step is validating your own experience:
1. “It makes sense that I feel this way.”
2. “What’s happening is difficult.”
3. “I feel sad about it.”
4. “Life is sometimes overwhelming.”
This is compassion, the moment you stop neglecting yourself. But compassion is only the beginning.
After compassion comes boundaries: the decision to stop abandoning yourself, whether through pleasing… or through emotional armor.
And after boundaries comes self-forgiveness, forgiving yourself for the feelings you had, so you can stop holding shame for being human.
Only then can you truly forgive others for the feelings they had.
Because once you stop punishing yourself for your emotional life, you stop punishing others for theirs.
This is how old patterns break, whether they look like people-pleasing or self-protection. Through compassion, boundaries, and self-forgiveness.
More guides:
Feeling joy happens when you feel life is a gift:
https://nextself.ai/spirituality/most-people-chase-happiness/
Trauma takes away your awareness:
https://nextself.ai/spirituality/from-what-we-know-about-trauma-today/
People pleasing is like idol worship:
https://nextself.ai/spirituality/when-a-part-of-a-personality-doesnt-know-g-d/
Explore the NextSelf Blog. Start with this post explaining the world of souls. And my Youtube.
The blog lists all the difference patterns to study, understanding patterns is how one can develop 'Daas' [felt knowing].
Update: As awe, trust, and love deepen, they can allow greater openness and intimacy with the Creator. That intimacy can include sadness when you notice how much more of His goodness can be revealed.