The #1 lie abusers tell themselves.

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“You want me to control you.” That’s how they live with what they do.

What does this lie sound like?

And it shows up in small ways:

“I’m just protecting you.” “You’d be lost without me.” “I do so much kindness.”

But the truth?

You have to keep reminding them, over and over, “My boundary stands.”

Are boundaries the same as control?

Boundaries aren’t control.

They’re self respect made visible. They’re about what I will do if my line is crossed.

What can I say when they call my boundaries controlling?

Quick reply when they say:

“You’re controlling me with boundaries!” “Boundaries guide my behavior, not yours. I’m telling you what I will do.”

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Questions people ask

What is the #1 lie abusers tell themselves?

The lie is “You want me to control you.” That is how abusers live with what they do. It shows up in small ways, like “I’m just protecting you,” “You’d be lost without me,” and “I do so much kindness.” Noticing these small lines takes awareness.

Do I have to keep repeating my boundary?

Yes, with someone who tells themselves, “You want me to control you.” You have to keep reminding them, over and over, “My boundary stands.” Boundaries aren’t control. A boundary is about what you will do if your line is crossed. Staying steady with it is a boundary skill.

What is a boundary, in simple words?

A boundary is self respect made visible. It is about what you will do if your line is crossed. It guides your own behavior, not theirs. When you say what you will do, you are not telling them what to do, so it is not control.

What does “boundaries guide my behavior, not yours” mean?

It means a boundary is about your own actions, not theirs. When someone says, “You’re controlling me with boundaries!” a quick reply is: “Boundaries guide my behavior, not yours. I’m telling you what I will do.” Owning your own behavior is the skill of responsibility.

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